[#8] Learning From Others Mistakes

Intro

Some items in my Life Experience blog are things I learned later in life, in fact I think a lot of what I write about was learned later in my 20’s and 30’s as I fully transitioned into an independent, grown adult. But once in a while I think about lessons learned early in my life, things that helped define who I have become even now. One of these lessons is certainly learning from others mistakes.

Background

First, let me give a little more background about my younger years. I am the youngest of 3 boys, and the age gap between myself and my older brothers is 6 and 7 years. That put me at a different development stage than my brothers, while they shared more or less the same experiences. Even more so since they ended up in the same grade for most of their school experience.

But how does that relate to the topic at hand? At the very heart of it, I was never able to totally catch up to them physically, mentally, emotionally… not until I became an adult myself. Even then, for a long time I felt behind because as I got my first apartment, they were buying or had houses. I think you get the idea.

Because I could never really catch up to them, it did mean that I was often observing what they did. This is how I tried to relate to my big brothers, and though I don’t think they were trying to be my teachers, or role models, or whatever you want to call it, they certainly were.

Brother 1

I remember one night, the sheriff came to the door. It was the middle of the night and I vaguely remember the doorbell. It turns out someone had gone to a park and went “mudding” around in the open lawn areas. I also remember that the sheriff had found tire tracks and in an embankment a license plate. I was maybe 10 or 11 at the time. My brother had lost his rear license plate after his Chevy Nova slide back into a hill. He was always lucky though, and somehow got off with a warning. That was a good lesson about being careful with what I choose to do once I get a car.

Brother 2

My other brother wasn’t so lucky, and was unintentionally a much better teacher. It was really hard visiting my brother in prison as a teenager. Most people who know me probably wouldn’t know or expect my brother was incarcerated for several years.

Let me back up a little bit. There were many, many nights when my mom would get called at 2 am or later from a pay phone. My brother was stuck somewhere in town and needed a ride home. I didn’t understand at the time why my mom would go, every time, to pick him up. I didn’t learn that until I had my own kids, and realize I would do almost anything to help them. Love for a child is an incredibly strong emotion.

My oldest brother was involved in drugs, and other bad things. Eventually this is what landed him in jail. As I mentioned, there is nothing quite as humbling as visiting him, having to go through security, going into a real prison. I knew after the first visit that I never wanted to do anything that could lead me there. After visiting dozens more times, I also realized that not everyone in prison is a bad person, sometimes people just make mistakes.

Eventually through the help of incarceration, cleaning up and getting an education my oldest brother turned his life around. He now has his own business and works hard at it. He’s doing well considering where his life was many years ago. I can say this also showed me how drugs can almost ruin someone, and have never touched them myself.

Conclusion

It is true that some lessons are best learned through direct experience. I don’t want to discount that fact. However, given the right circumstances I think we are uniquely able to learn from others as well. These lessons are more rare, harder to obtain, harder to understand than something we experience ourselves. It takes a more dramatic experience to really hit home and stay with us as a true lesson.

The point of this article is that learning from others mistakes, especially those close to you, can also save you from the same pains, problems and experiences. Take some time to think on how your life has been changed from witnessing those around you. Be empathetic, be understanding and grow alongside your fellow people.